Emotions

It's 1:13 am right now and my sweet love has finally fallen asleep. I guess my last post didn't explain well, my love isn't here next to me. He lives 6884 kilometers or 4278 miles or 3717 nautical miles from me. He lives across the Atlantic ocean and lives in Denmark where the only time we can see each other is on Skype. Our time zones are very different, for example right now it's 1:17am and for him it's 7:17am, but I'm not here to talk about how far away my love lives from me.

I guess to make it understandable is.. I'm here to talk about my feelings about the distance between us. Today he was very emotionally. Drank what a Dane (Danish people call themselves this) would drink. Drink till no end. He lashed out on me, yelling at me saying he can't love a computer screen. He was upset and he just didn't want to live anymore and stuff like that. It felt as if he didn't want to be with me anymore and he was tired of waiting.

 I pulled up my guts and told him, "If you want to leave me, then just say so"
 He got really angry, and told me, "fuck you, if that's what you want"
But I didn't want that.

 It just seemed like he wanted that. I didn't understand, I was confused, lost and scared. I wanted him, to protect him. I don't know why, he's dangerous and I should avoid him, but yet it makes me want to protect him even more. He's hurt, I can tell and I want to heal his pain. This might sound like it's from a sicking romantic novel, but this is my honest truth.

But I don't think he knows my emotions and tis why I explain and type it all here. If he would have found this, he would've been really mad at me, saying it was to public.

But I'm prepared.

For the pain I cast on thy self. 

I don't know what to do anymore, I"m not tired or anything. I"m still up and it's 1:23 am and I'm just typing away on the keyboard, listening to upsetting music I suppose.

I know. In the end, he's going to hurt me. But that's okay.

At least he could have said, "I was happy"


Protect your hearts friends.
Happy Living.